Recovery

Who ever said that recovering from a major surgery is just like a vacation needs to try it sometime because they are wrong!! I wish I could be using all my vacation days on an actual "vacation" with my family and  of laying in pain on the couch feeling guilty because I'm accomplishing nothing! I am 8 days post my surgery and I'm slowly feeling a little better each day.  Not lifting 10 lbs or more for 6 weeks is going to be impossible. I feel so weak and that any muscle I had is gone. I am down to my lowest weight I have been in almost forever so let's hope that all comes back gradually.  I know that this all takes time but most of you that know me realize I don't like to wait and that I want it now :). 

This. Is. Me. At. My. Sickest! And not my finest.  Don't judge the looks by its cover. 

For those of you that are squeamish don't look at the next picture. Here is my abs at their finest too :) 

Gross huh!  I'm pretty sure I don't have a belly button under there either. 

Thank you!!

I want to say thank you again and again for all the support to have received from family and friends. The phone calls, texts, food and prayers mean the world to me.  I have the most amazing support system in the world that I know I couldn't get through times like this without it. 

I have my recheck tomorrow with my surgeon so we will cross my fingers and toes that he says I can run in Vegas in November. If I can't, I will be one hell of a cheerleader!!! 

That's it for now. I will keep  you posted after my appt tomorrow. 

Go with it!

I am still not in a healthy state of mind which makes me sad but it is so amazing to me the love and support I have surrounding me in both that I see and what is unseen! My wonderful neighbors surprised me with an entire sack of meat, I have received random messages of people thinking about me and just the care surrounding me is hard to put into words. I knew I. Was a pretty cool chick but I guess I never realized how cool I was :)) 

 I read this amazing blog post this morning by a young gal named Kiley.  I met her when I was a cabin counselor at camp oasis and her smile and attitude was so infectious that you just wanted to hang around with her.  She is so wise in her young age and I want to share a part of her blog with you: 

Kiley wrote: " I've learned to go with it. I honestly believe that God made me someone to just go with the tidal waves. I've learned how to drink down barium for CAT scans, and mastered the art of the colonoscopy only on my second attempt. The clean-out process the day before really isn't that bad, especially when I remind myself that there is a seven year-old doing the same thing I am."  

How amazing is that... I've learned to just go with it.  I have always just went with it until this week and now I'm just sitting back and sulking. I need to put my big girl panties on and realize that there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere even if its not this month but 3 months down the road there is a end somewhere. It could always be worse. I could  be so sick that I couldn't be home with my kids or my family or enjoy listening to both their laughter and fighting.  

So to end this brief post lets just say "I'm going to just go with it"! Thank you Kiley!! 

Defeated.......

As most of you know I am one strong woman but I have hit another boulder that I can't get past and need to give in. I haven't been feeling well Crohn's wise for the past 2 months or so and it only continues to get worse :( I will bear you from all the gross details about my flare up but let's just say Charming is my best friend and febreze.  The book of medicine isn't working like planned so I had a surgical consult yesterday. That is where surgery comes in. I'm scheduled for surgery on Monday at 1230pm... Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as its going to be a trying day for myself and my family.  

I have to giggle a bit about this because I struggle with knowing how to deal with all of this when I have learned how to always put on a brave face no matter what I was feeling.  You kind of become an expert after 15 years of "living sick and looking cute"! That statement alone is hurting me right now as my kids don't understand how I'm feeling because I look just like mom on the outside.  It will be a hard week for lily because school starts Wednesday and I will be in the hospital. I already told her that we would put all her clothes out for the week so she matched....you never know what he could put her in. Lucas starts kindergarten this week and I will be missing the first day which is huge. I think it's hurting me more than it will probably hurt him. I just wish everything came easy yet it doesn't. Like I said before my kids will understand all of this eventually just not today.  

Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. I will try to continue to post my updates on here so you can read and of course on Facebook. I will have all sorts of time to lay down and do nothing unfortunately. You can give me some new hobbies if you have ideas!!  

Talk soon